I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
