Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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