Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
