I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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