i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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