Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
