I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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