Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
