I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
