I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
