Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
farters have to be the big spoon...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
