I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
