The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
