Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
