I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
