He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
