That's intense
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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