I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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