Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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