you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
