i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He has the fingertips of a God
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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