you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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