I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
