When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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