She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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