i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
