Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Use "feeling words"
Yay
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
