He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
