so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
