This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
