I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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