if only i could text you this smell
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
