There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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