you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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