her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
