I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
farters have to be the big spoon...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
