Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
