are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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