I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
