Ambien. No doubt about it.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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