mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
