How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
