I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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