so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
