OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
