What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
