After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
