My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
