You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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