Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You made out with two different species that night
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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