I am puke
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Can you bring me the toilet please
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
