Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
