Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm gonna have a badass scar
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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