There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
