I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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