I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
