hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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