..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
