If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
