So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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